oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
