i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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