my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
