No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
