i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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