Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
