Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
