YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
