I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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