shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
