Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize