I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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