Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
