It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
