I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
