I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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