I accidentally burped into my bong.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
