big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
