Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
