Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
