so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
