Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
