he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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