Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize