thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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