You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize