Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
