another moral hangover. fuck.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
