why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
