Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
