ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
