she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
