I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
