We named our party play list daddy issues
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
