So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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