i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
