Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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