She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
