im holly from the hills drunk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's even glitter on my cock...
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