Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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