Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
