You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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