I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
