I bet he comes in French.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
