My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
