This girl is more easily done than said...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
