i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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