There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
