Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
