Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
