I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
