In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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