Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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