you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
