Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
