this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
