Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
