This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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