I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
