My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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