and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
