Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
