Can i not drive my cunt home
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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