A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
