3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize