I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
