you mean i was at the winter classic?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
