so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
