Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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