This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
