Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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