and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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