You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
